A Chasing After the Wind

When you get older...

That's how I wanted to begin, but I feel it's necessary to stop there and let that statement speak for itself.  

I am getting older.  

Now that the depressing facts have been acknowledged, allow me to proceed.  

When you get older your body begins to fail you.  I'm a firm believer in the "use it or lose it" philosophy that encourages activity and continued use of all your faculties, but I'm starting to see that even if you don't let yourself go completely to pot, nevertheless your body will betray you.  I consider myself an active, healthy 33-year-old, but I'm not 18 anymore.  My body doesn't bounce back.  

Part of being active involves me being there for my sons.  I love to play basketball with them, wrestle, and toss them around at the lake or the pool.  Two weekends ago I did too much of that, it seems.  After a day at the lake followed by a day at the pool, with the second day filled with launch after launch from a perch above the water level, the anterior portion of my shoulder began to hurt.  It made sense.  After throwing kids above my head for hours I would expect my shoulder to be sore.  But then the fun began.  The pain also started in my forearm.  And for all the non-Anatomy majors out there, the muscle that originates in the shoulder and inserts in the forearm is the bicep.  So despite a year of heavy working out, I was not prepared for a day of throwing children.  My body couldn't cope.  My bicep tore (the assessment seems to be that I have strained the tendons of my bicep).  And after a couple weeks of moderate usage (I haven't lifted for quite a long time), it has not gotten better.  Now I'm wearing it in a sling, just to remind myself not to use it.  Being left-handed isn't al that fun, but it's not the worst thing.  

No, the worst thing is realizing the futility of lifting.  What is the point of all this "body building" over the course of the last year?  I have tracked my progress (you can hear about it here and here) and hit some goals, but ultimately what was gained?  In the picture above you can see my "progress" from 160 lbs, post-surgery skeleton, to 195 lbs weight lifter, to 185 lbs regular guy.  But in all actuality, how much difference is there?  It's all so futile.  And the futility is exaggerated by this injury.  Even if I had maintained my eating regimen and continued working out hard the whole summer, I would have come to this point and been unable to work out and I would have lost a great deal of any gains I might have made.  When you get right down to it, this body is breaking down and starting it's decline to ultimate decay.  This skin is not eternal.  I knew this all along, of course, but it gives me greater pause to recall it as I'm reminded of my own mortality.

Will I stop lifting?  Probably not.  It has been a part of my life for the better part of fifteen years.  Plus, I do believe that if I stop "using it" I will only decline and "lose it" that much more quickly.  Perhaps I will simply return to living a more balanced life, with a healthy acknowledgement of the physical aspect, but a greater emphasis on the spiritual.