We told our boys today that we are getting a divorce. They cried. I held it together until they walked outside, but then I went into my closet and wept bitterly. I was overcome with sorrow that their tiny hearts had been broken, and one of the most central assumptions of their boyhood had been destroyed.
After I got it together, I went outside and held each one of them, telling them, "It will be okay" as I hugged them. Aydan's response floored me.
"No it won't, Dad. You're making the worst decision of your life. Mom is a great woman. What happened to all the breakfasts in bed, the snuggling, the forts, the swimming at the lake?"
He walked away and I was crushed. What could I say? Should I have corrected him, telling him that it was his mother's mistake, not mine? He is too young for all the details that led us to this point. So I watched him walk away, and I prayed with all my heart that I had not just lost my son. I prayed that he wouldn't harbor bitterness against either of us, and I prayed that the wound he was feeling would slowly heal. And I mourned silently for the passing of everything his happy boyhood contained and his acute feeling of loss that it was all over.
Man. That sounds extremely heavy. Unimaginable, really. My heart aches for all of you... But looking through the eyes of one who was a brother first, uncle second, I have to say that it sounds like it was especially brutal for you. I don't really know what to say, except that I love you. I'm praying for you, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that I can't be there to talk with you and hold you and support you more. May the peace of God be with you.
ReplyDeleteDA