The Death of Boyhood

We told our boys today that we are getting a divorce.  They cried.  I held it together until they walked outside, but then I went into my closet and wept bitterly.  I was overcome with sorrow that their tiny hearts had been broken, and one of the most central assumptions of their boyhood had been destroyed.

After I got it together, I went outside and held each one of them, telling them, "It will be okay" as I hugged them.  Aydan's response floored me.
"No it won't, Dad.  You're making the worst decision of your life.  Mom is a great woman.  What happened to all the breakfasts in bed, the snuggling, the forts, the swimming at the lake?"

He walked away and I was crushed.  What could I say?  Should I have corrected him, telling him that it was his mother's mistake, not mine?  He is too young for all the details that led us to this point.  So I watched him walk away, and I prayed with all my heart that I had not just lost my son.  I prayed that he wouldn't harbor bitterness against either of us, and I prayed that the wound he was feeling would slowly heal.  And I mourned silently for the passing of everything his happy boyhood contained and his acute feeling of loss that it was all over.

De-Fluevog and Sip Some Grog for this Pre-Vlog Blog

Some of my art history students encouraged me to record my trip to Europe as a vlog (video blog), and I have to say I wasn't crazy about the idea.  Even as I began my trip--turning the camera on myself and talking to no one in particular--narrating my travels, I felt conceited, awkward, and just plain silly.  I also firmly believed that no one would ever want to watch something so boring as we sitting in an airport, talking about Dramamine.  

And then I showed it to a friend.  

Even in it's raw form, even with it's lack of "interesting" material, the video seemed to captivate.  I even enjoyed watching it and remembering the trip.  It's not fancy, but it is a little bit like coming along for the ride.  For that reason, it's kind of fun to see.  

But I'm not deluded enough to think that I've created a cinematic masterpiece, or that it will become some kind of blockbuster.  I'm just saying that maybe I get it now.  If one has taken an interest in my life then it's an intimate portrait of my past two weeks.  But you'd definitely have to know me to appreciate it, I think.  

On a side note, I'm once again reminded how great my friends are.  I wasn't back in the States more than two hours before Sissney called me, and Josh called to check on my today.  For some reason I was particularly impressed by this.  Both will see me on Monday.  They could have waited until then and asked, "How was your trip?"  But they actually remembered the day I would be getting back AND made a point to call me.  It's easy to say, "I missed you", but stuff like that really shows it.  

I will be working hard to edit the video together, but it will take time.  When it is done, I'll have to figure out a way to make it available to anyone who might like to see.  For now, you might appreciate some of the best pictures from my dear brother Eric's website.  I'll have to write more about the experience and my appreciation for my brother in another post.  Jet lag is still kicking my butt.