Thursday, April 17, 2014

A Few Things Going On

Dad--I have not forgotten your request about pictures of the kids.  It may seem like it…but I have not.

As with so many other things, I just keep telling myself, "If I can only make it to the summer…."

Admittedly, some pretty significant changes have happened in my life recently.  I got married.  My new marriage almost ended twice while honeymooning in New York.  Well, not really.  We could have blown up and Brandi could have died from illness, but neither happened.  Then we returned home to start our life together.  And new life is often mundane (paying bills, changing names, moving things from my house to hers) and certainly always busy.

One might think that the school year winds down in the spring, but in my experience it seems like things turn into a whirlwind that one must ride into the break.  So many deadlines and year-end showcases for art, etc., etc.

There you have my two-cent update.  Sure--I could expand on much of that information, but it would take me from my real motive for writing tonight.

Have you ever seen "Ed"?  It's an old NBC series about a bowling alley lawyer (actually, a man who practices law out of a bowling alley).  For years I have searched for one particular episode.  No joke.  Years.  I used to have in on VHS, but as technology advanced I guess I just threw it out.  I only noticed it was gone when I went back to watch this particular episode.  And it wasn't there.  I freaked out a little.  Then, not finding it, I started looking online.  I found a site that said it would sell the entire series…for a small fortune.  I checked with NBC to see if they planned to release a boxed set of the series.  Nope.  I even combed YouTube to no avail.  But then I found Skefte.  God bless this individual!  Finally, I found the entire series posted on a single YouTube channel.  My memory had cast a rosy glow over the "Ed" phenomenon as a whole, it seems; but it served me well for my favorite episode of all time.  I'm being quite sincere here.  Even better than Scrubs' "My Hero."  You should stop reading and watch this.  That's how good it is.

I could rave about the show all night.  Note the chiasmus of Ed's crisis and Warren's education.  Note Ed's folly as he tries to cling to his youth.  So much to love: Ecclesiastes, Thoreau, the meaning of life!  A fantastic episode.

Here is why I bring it up.  Two weeks ago, I attended the State VASE (Visual Art Scholastic Event) contest.  The best artists from all over the state of Texas.  A weekend of recognition of their talent.  It is inspiring ("I want to go home and paint!") and sobering ("This kid is already doing more and better work than me").  I left that weekend with a sketchbook full of notes.  I sat down and tried to chart out what really mattered to me.  As Kierkegaard says, "Purity of heart is to will one thing."  I entered into the exercise with the presupposition that what I wanted to do most, what I was made to do, my one thing…is to paint.  So I tried to deduce why I don't do it more.  The dissipation of time and energy into activities that are not painting.  I wanted to strip these things from my life.  SIMPLIFY!

But painting cannot be my one thing.  As Rich Mullins says, "Still I want to love and serve you more and more You're my One Thing."  Knowing Jesus--that's the tops.  And I want to love my kids and raise them well.  And I want to be a good husband to an awesome wife.  And I like the way I look when I eat well and work out.  And I love to travel and see lonely, isolated places and experience silence and solitude.  And…and…and…  DO EVERYTHING!

Go to VASE.  Read "Walden" and Ecclesiastes.  SIMPLIFY!

Watch "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" (as I did tonight) and think, "Wouldn't it be great to bike around Iceland?" Hear Rich Mullins also sing, "There's so much beauty around us for just two eyes to see, but everywhere I go I'm looking."  DO EVERYTHING!

Do you see the tension?  That is why I love "Liver Deliberately" so much.  Nothing else I've encountered draws all these complex and beautiful threads into one tapestry quite so well.  It is the tug-of-war that I experience daily in my soul.  Which demand on my attention will tug at me today and it what direction will it pull?  I really struggle with this.  What is the most excellent way?

You'll have to excuse me now: I have to go build a wall for the house, place a supply order for school, plan a summer trip with Aydan…and try to carve out time this weekend to paint.


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