"But You'll Have to Be Dead."

I had a visit from a very dear friend this weekend.  It was unexpected, but very enjoyable.  There were many things about it that were unexpected, and the first centered on the nature of our relationship.  

Nathan was one of my students.  I recognized in him a young man uniquely gifted and called by God, capable of doing great things.  I approached him and asked if he had ever been discipled and wondered if he would be interested.  After meeting with his family we began a year of studying the Bible and praying together.  That year culminated in his graduation and a trip I took with him and his father to hike the mountains of Colorado.  

In my own life, I have a mentor that I have always admired.  Tony was my youth pastor and I interned under him for several years.  There was an unexpected moment, though, when I stopped being his pupil and started being his peer.  It was ceremonial or dramatic.  It just struck me, "Hey, I'm not a kid anymore.  I'm a youth pastor myself.  I have a son.  We're more like friends now."  

That same transition has happened with Nathan, just three short years after his graduation.  Many kids want to call me by my first name after they graduate, thinking it will somehow fluster me.  But Nathan has very easily assumed the right to call me Jay instead of Mr. Asp.  And while he may not be in exactly the same stage of life, he is bright and confident, pursuing a business he started.  It has become successful enough that he even talked about bringing me on staff as a graphic designer in the future.  Of course, we also talked about starting a website to sell my artwork (prompting him to joke that the venture would be more successful if I were dead first), taking another trip together and other dreams, but it was fun to dream together more as peers. 

Even more unexpected was the realization that I had become "someone's Tony."  With all that Tony has meant to me in my life, I'm honored that I would be among the first visits made when Nathan is home from college for the weekend.  It will be interesting to see what God has in store for this young man.  I, for one, am happy just to know him.  

"Y'all Don't Know What It's Like Being Male, Middle-class and White"

"In a haze these days
I pull up to the stoplight
I can feel that something's not right
I can feel someone's blasting me with hate and bass
sending dirty vibes my way
because my great, great, great, great granddad
made someone's great, great, great, great granddad his slave
It wasn't my idea"

I will confess this early on: having your wife leave you for a black guy can get into your head.  What compounds this situation is the fact that since her departure she has challenged me with that dreaded assault: "You are so racist."

I mention that only as background to my current state of mind.  I am involved in a quest to answer that question ("Am I really a racist?") and, further, to understand racism and notions of "white-ness" and "black-ness".  In the beginning the thoughts seemed to funnel into a series of paintings, but now I'm not so sure those paintings can or should be made.  My reading list has been comprised of "Black Like Me", "Uncle Tom's Cabin", "Who's Afraid of Post-Blackness?" and more.  My viewing hours have been consumed by "Bamboozled,"  "Ethnic Notions," "500 Years Later," "I Ain't From Africa" and others.  The loudest voices in my head come from Kara Walker, Kehinde Wiley, Spike Lee and Bill Cosby.

I'm not sure I would even bring this up right now, since the ideas are in germ stage and the research is significantly lacking (will it ever be finished or be conclusive?  I'm reminded of the line from "Good Will Hunting"--"Do you think I would have the slightest idea of what your life as an orphan is like because I read "Oliver Twist"?"), but the notion seems to be springing up around me everywhere.

Most recently, the hilarious Superbowl commercial by Volkswagen has been called racist.  As I listen to people (both informed and ignorant) discuss it, my main question is not one of race but of image.  When did we become too stupid to recognize synecdoche?  I really don't believe the VW people thought, "Let's put those Jamaicans in their place!"  That would have been racist.  I think they wanted a clear, concise, easily-grasped substitution of a part for the whole.  I imagine the creative meeting going like this:
"What's our concept?  What feeling do we want to imply that people will get from buying our product?"
"We want them to think they'll feel happy."
"How do you show 'happy'?  It's intangible."
"You could show the experience of the drive.  The twists, the turns, the exhilaration, the wind rushing through the hair."
"Overdone.  Plus, that seems more like a convertible.  What else do you have?"
"You could show a person who is really happy after having driven the car."
"How do you make him seem happy?  Who are the happiest people in the world?"
"Jamaicans!  Have you ever been there?  They live in paradise."
"That's true, they are pretty laid back.  So we get a Jamaican to act in the ad?"
"No!  You want to communicate that ANYBODY will feel as happy and relaxed as a Jamaican if they drive the car.  Let's get a white guy.  Let's make him a Minnesotan."

Should I take offense that the insinuation is that "my people" (Scandinavians/mid-westerners/Minnesotans) are generally unhappy?  How stupid would that be?  It's okay to be clever.  It's okay to expect people to connect the dots in their head and get a chuckle out of it.

It's easy to look at our world (especially as a white person) and think, "It's WAY better now than it used to be."  But there is still inequality.  And the issue of race/the accusation of racism is as ubiquitous as the sunshine on a Jamaican beach.

How Much Is Your Time Worth?

I have always been a frugal person.  Growing up we never had a lot of money.  That's not to say that I ever felt poor or deprived.  My family was so great it always felt like, "Well...we've got each other, and that's all we need."  But subconsciously I developed an inner mantra that I wasn't always fully aware was at play: "You can do it cheaper by doing it yourself."

Now that works out for me in a lot of ways.  Being artistically capable allows me to design things, paint things, decorate a certain way, etc., and doing so saves me money.  The same usually applies for home repair.  It's easy to put a new wax ring on a toilet than it is to hire a plumber.  Over the years I've built up skills that enable me to do some a great deal of cosmetic work (new tile, new sheetrock, etc.) and some more serious repairs/alterations (i.e., minor electrical and plumbing).  Having these skills usually saves me money.  It does not, however, save me time.

In my Minnesota days I had a friend named Josh, and he was the first to challenge my thinking on the matter.  The main criterion, he suggested, for determining which projects to undertake was not which way was more expensive (hire someone or do it myself) but how much time would it cost me.  He tried to get me to see that my time was worth a great deal.  Essentially, if I could make $20 an hour by painting and selling works, I would actually be LOSING money by NOT hiring someone who would "only" cost me $15/hr.  In his thinking, it's a better choice to do something I love, which I'm good at, which could bring me some income, rather than give that up to do something I will bumble through.  Better to hire someone who is an expert and free myself up to use my expertise.  It has never replaced my frugal mindset, but it has tempered it.

Never before (NEVER, I tell you) have I felt capable of fixing anything automotive.  Sure, I've changed a flat.  But in the auto realm, the "save yourself time and money by hiring someone" mentality always wins over the "do it yourself" mentality.

Until the sunroof.

Brandi has a sunroof on her Trailblazer that stopped working.  That type of repair is apparently one of the most expensive there is.  So I threw my hat in the ring.  I gave it a shot.  And I fixed it.  Sort of.  I was able to get it to close with the replacement parts I ordered.  When the part broke, it damaged more than one part of the mechanism.  Basically, it looks like I'll be replacing the rest of it over Spring or Summer break.  That's not terrible, because now I know how to do it.  But for the three or four days (spaced out over several weeks) that I worked on the sunroof, it was a chore.

Is there a silver lining in these seemingly pointless story?  Sure.  1) I kind of fixed an automotive issue.  2) Even better, it motivated me to compensate for the time spent on the repair by dragging my keister out to the studio and painting.  It's been good to return to painting.  And it's been good to ask myself again, "How much did that repair really cost me?  How much is my time worth?"

Year In Review

I have been trying for a week to post a year-end, pictorial summary of 2012, but I haven't been able to, due to some mysterious issue with the blogger website.  

But at long last, here it is!!  This is what has been going on over the course of the past year. 

At the beginning of the year the folks came to visit, which was nice.  Also, I had the privilege of coaching Aydan's 6th grade basketball team.  I figured it was my last chance before he was "stuck" in school sports so I seized the opportunity and really enjoyed it.  

Thanks to a Christmas gift from my beloved brother-in-law Jason I am now a gun owner.  Since I have a gun in the house, I want to make sure the boys don't treat it as a toy, so I have taken them to the gun range and endeavored to teach them gun safety.  

One of the highlights of the year was my trip to Amsterdam/Scotland.  I loved getting to hang out with my brother, and I loved getting to see the cosmopolitan sites of city...

...as well as the rustic sites of the Highlands.  

Certainly NOT a highlight, yet nevertheless a significant event of the past year, was the finalization of my divorce (I took this photo of myself prior to leaving for the courthouse).  

Over the past year, I have become close friends with my fellow coach Michael, and in the spring he was kind enough to invite me to be a judge at the Germanfest (held in Meunster, TX) Rib-Eating Contest.  But since we were hungry and the competition wasn't started, we took these entires from the chicken contest out of the trash and downed them.  

Although this photo was not a part of our Tour of Texas Lakes that was a major part of the summer, the boys and I enjoyed every opportunity to swim that was presented to us.  This shot was taken at the lake house that belongs to the aunt of my dear, sweet Brandi (more on her later).  

Aydan, Brennan and I made a trip to OH to visit my family and celebrate my dad's birthday.  I love this picture of my siblings and me gathered together in my parents' hotel room.  

"The Games" were a series of events, similar to an obstacle course, that occupied a weekend in the summer.  In the lead-up to the event, t-shirts were made.  This is a photo of the boys and I with Brandi's kids (family friends for the past four years).    

The Trash Bash is an annual event in Keller to beautify the city.  We took part in the effort to help clean up the streets.  The boys are pictured here with Brandi (she's the little one that Aydan is hugging), her kids, Brandi's sister Lisa and her kids.  

In addition to being a gun owner, I am now a motorcycle rider.  I'm not one of those people that calls their bike their "baby", but it is beautiful and fun and I really enjoy having it.  

 

I absolutely love my job.  In addition to getting to teach high-schoolers about art, I get to work with great people.  Here I am pictured with my friend Jen, who teaches choir.  We happened to wear red pants on the same day.  

Two great trips in one year seems like an undeserved blessing, but I am super thankful to have been able to travel to Maine this past fall.  It was absolutely beautiful.   

 Perhaps the biggest news of the past year is that I have begun dating a wonderful woman named Brandi.  Anyone who can appreciate my beard growing project (I tried to spray it white for the last day of school before Christmas break) must be someone special.  I do not have time to adequately tell about Brandi here, but there will be time for that in the future.  Suffice to say that I am happy and thankful to have her in my life.  

So there is a very brief summary of 2012.  I've committed Thursday nights during 2013 to be "painting nights" so hopefully there will be more updates of completed artwork in the coming year.  I have bright hopes for 2013 and I hope it treats you well!

Christmas in Colorado

This year we celebrated Christmas in Colorado, going to visit Heather's brother, Jason, and his family.  The whole family, in fact (her parents and other siblings), made the trip.  In many ways, it was an unusual Christmas: no fewer than five people got extremely sick, some of them staying in bed to the extent that I feel like I didn't even get to see them.  Then there was the age discrepancy.  Aydan and Brennan are significantly older than their cousins.  The closest is in first grade.  So there was a very different feel about what each of the separate families wanted to do--particularly in light of what their children COULD do--and very little cohesive activity.  

But despite all that, the trip culminated today in a much anticipated event; the big Christmas present for the boys: our return to the slopes.  Several years ago we all tried our hand at snowboarding (except Brennan--he was too young and had to ski), and after two exhausting, truly frustrating days we finally got the hang of it.  I was a little worried as I picked up my gear this morning.  1) I had injured my hamstring a couple weeks ago and was still feeling less than 100% in its use; and 2) After three years, is snowboarding just like riding a bicycle, or would I have forgotten everything?

 I'm glad to say my (albeit, rapidly aging) body remembered what to do and I had a great time teaching Brennan and making runs with Aydan.  Not to toot my own horn, but I did pretty well out there, and had a blast.

 Snow-capped mountains are always beautiful.  The scenery was enhanced late in the day by a light downfall of flakes.  Though it was cold, it was absolutely wonderful.

I tweaked my hamstring a bit, and I'm certain my back and legs will be angry with me tomorrow, but the biggest thing was trying to keep icicles out of my beard!  All in all it was a great day.  I'm excited to get to bed early tonight and eager to head out early tomorrow and get back to good ol' Texas.

Lamenting the Loss of Lulu

On 12/12/12, an ominous day, our dear dog Lulu died.  She had been sick for several days, refusing to eat and being very slow to move.  The plan was to go visit the vet on the weekend, but poor Lulu did not make it through the week.

The boys and I took the day off from school, drove to the country and said goodbye to our faithful companion.  We took pains to fully engage in the process, so as to help in the closure and the access of the emotions we were feeling.  On the drive, we listened to songs that made us think of her, spoke of our favorite memories of her, and planned our funeral.  When we arrived we dug the hole.  Finally, we laid Lulu to rest and said our final goodbyes.  It was all very sad.

The house is very sad and empty now, especially when the boys are gone.  No longer do I have an instant companion upon my homecoming, or an eager friend to wake with me and go for a walk.  And while there is an empty chair in the corner now, it is helpful to think of the times when it was full.

I went back through my other blog to find all instances where Lulu was mentioned.  If you care to read them, they are listed below.

http://hopelesslyuncool.blogspot.com/2008/04/vicious-dog-eating-monster.html

http://hopelesslyuncool.blogspot.com/2008/06/just-few-recent-photos.html

http://hopelesslyuncool.blogspot.com/2009/09/seattle-tx.html

http://hopelesslyuncool.blogspot.com/2007/06/winds-of-change-are-blowingand-its.html

And finally, a review of Lulu's life in pictures.  Goodbye, sweet girl.  

 Day One: Sleek and Black

 Lulu first claims the chair

 Love at first sight

Lulu as a Gray Old Lady

Lulu as I'll Always Remember Her

The Main Thing is to Keep the Maine Thing the Main Thing

I know that this will seem less like an update on my life than a recollection of a now-distant memory, but ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my trip to Maine.  

I arrived late enough on Thursday evening that I elected to sleep in the airport.  This had been the plan all along, but when I arrived I realized that the Bangor, Maine airport in more on par with a Mansfield, OH Lahm Airport than a Dallas-Fort Worth airport.  In my mind, I figured sleeping under a bench would be easy and anonymous, as it was when I was once stranded in Kansas City on a return from a previous Fall Fling.  However, I was one of two people in the airport when cleaning operations shut down around 2 am.  To complicate matters, there was a hotel attached to the airport, so I felt like a bum sleeping in a corner rather than springing for a room.  But I'm cheap and get over small embarrassments very quickly, so this is where I laid until the 5 am boarding crowd woke me up.  You may see through the arm of the chair the bright blue of my newly acquired sleeping bag.  I broke it out halfway through the night and slept soundly, wondering why I hadn't jumped into it from the beginning.  

The kind people at Central Maine Harley Davidson were kind enough to supply me with my transportation for the day.  

You'll see a more complete shot of the bike soon, but I pulled off the road to photo the complete package: Me, Maine, motorcycle and fall colors.  

 Years ago I starting making plans for a documentary that would chronicle my road trip tracing the perimeter of America (it was to have been called "From Sea to Shining Sea").  At that time I discovered a bird sanctuary in Ellsworth that I planned to stop at.  I was delighted to see that much of what I planned to visit for the documentary could be seen on this trip.  So in a sense, I have begun to complete that vision (although I accidentally deleted all video footage that I took on the trip.  Whoops.).  

 The name of the naturalist now eludes me (the perils of posting months later), but it was neat the way the trails from her home--which was the center of the bird sanctuary--led from the busy street into a hushed wood.  Spaced throughout the trails were quotes taken from her journal.  I thought this one particularly apropos.  

 Every guidebook or travel site will tell you to stop at the Trenton Bridge Lobster Pound.  I did.  It was okay.  

 However, this assessment is probably due more to a realization I discovered halfway through this lobster: I'm not all that crazy about seafood.  

I camped in Acadia National Park on Mount Desert Island.  It was far more toursity than I expected.  One of the guys at the dealership said I'd probably run into more "leaf peepers" at this time of year.  I thought the term was funny...and sadly filed myself within its ranks.  I rode the whole day and saw beautiful sites which included a fjord (Somes Sound meets the requirements).  

Both coastal vistas... 

 ...and lighthouses were plentiful.  

 The next morning I took the motorcycle back to exchange it for a car for the longer portion of the drive.  As I was leaving the park I was entranced by the affect of the light filtering through the colorful canopy and the mist on the road.  It was beautiful.  

At the airport I retrieved my mint-green mount and took to the coastal highway.  Just prior to the trip I purchased new albums by Mumford and Sons, the Avett Brothers and Delta Rae.  Delta Rae was by far the most-listened to on the trip.  Their music is just so powerful.  

 With a glorious soundtrack blaring and the windows open wide, I discovered idyllic streams...

 ...backwoods cemeteries (found completely by accident, and perhaps the most secluded spot of the trip)...

 ...and even caught a beautiful Monarch butterfly.  Since I had one in my collection already (and had no way to take it home) I let it go.  

 This funky little place near the north-eastern tip of Maine had awesome blueberry pastries.  

 The blueberry fields provided some beautiful color.  

 I spent the next few nights in Herring Cove Provincial Park, just across the border in Canada.  One of the most spiritual, profoundly moving moments of the trip was watching the sun rise.  I was able to see the sky lighten, the colors change, and then view the sun break the rim of the earth as it emerged from the ocean and rose into the sky.  It was beautiful and I reflected on the wonder and power of light, and thanked God for that time with him.  

 I had the cove all to myself, since the park was closed...

 ...and spent all day Sunday in this little deck, perched above the beach, reading Scripture and journaling.  

 Before taking my perch, I walked the beach.  It was the warmest it had been all weekend, so I took my shoes off the enjoy the stroll.  Only the sand quickly disappeared and tiny pebbles took their place.  They were agonizing to walk on.  Thankful, Chuck Dorka prepared me for this moment: using flotsam and jetsam I created a swamp walker out of washed up boards and rope.  

 It occurred to me that this must have been how coastal people developed the flip flop.  

 Herring Cove is just across the bridge from Lubec, Maine, a quaint little fishing village.  

 Quoddy Head Lighthouse was the coolest such structure I encountered.   

 It also brought me to the far-easternmost point on the trip.  Here my toes touch the water that separates me from Europe.  I have a similar picture on a similarly stoney beach in Laide, Scotland.  

 I added a stone to the tiny stack of rocks on this outcropping, to mark my travels to the far east of our nation.  

 The town of Perry is halfway between the North Pole and the Equator.  

These last few pictures show my final day of travel: back from Calais to the airport.  This is what I look like after several days without showering.  

So I revived a sacred rite, "The All-Under Club" and plunged into this chilling river to clean up a bit.  It was actually quite refreshing.  Sadly, the footage of this daring feat has now been lost.  

There it is.  A great trip all around.  Hope you enjoyed the update.