Awkward

This past weekend I was at the Fort Worth Museum of Science and Nature (or something like that).  I was walking through the CSI exhibit when I saw a girl from my school.  Then she saw me.  And she spoke those words that have come to be like nails on a chalkboard to me: "Well...this is awkward."

Is it really awkward to encounter someone you know outside of the context in which they are more familiar?  It would be awkward to walk up to the girl just as she was saying to another student how much she hates me.  That could be an awkward conversation.  No, I would think, "Well this is a coincidence" would be more fitting of such an encounter.

Kids use this word so much it has lost all meaning.  If there is a pause in the conversation: "AWKward" (in a sing-song tone).  Something strange or unusual: awkward.  Awkward, awkward, awkward.

I wouldn't bring it up, but i just discovered the word in the writing of someone I consider to be quite a wordsmith.  Perhaps it was used correctly, but now it bugs me so much that it rubs me the wrong way whenever it is used.

BUT...I do have something particularly AWKWARD to share.

This is a neighborhood not unlike many others in suburban America.  It becomes an awkward neighborhood, however, when the points are explained.  (A) represents my house.  This is the house Heather and I lived in before the divorce.  (C) represents Heather's new house.  It's a logical enough choice, I suppose, given that she wanted a place that wasn't far from the area the boys have lived in for so long.  It's only a couple blocks away from my house.  That's not terribly awkward, since we get along pretty well and don't see each other all that much despite the proximity.  It's even convenient in many cases.  No, it is awkward because (B) represents Brandi's house.  That's right: she's smack dab in the middle of it (often in many more ways than one!).  It sometimes strikes me that it's a bit awkward (odd, curious, etc.) that the woman I used to be married to and the woman I am currently dating live, quite literally, a stones throw away from each other.  

So when you think something might be considered awkward, stop and consider if it's similarly cringe-worthy, or if another adjective might do.  

3 Years in the Making

I've finally finished a painting.  I can't remember the last time I said that.  I kind of shut down there for a while, especially as it pertains to painting.  But life has stabilized a bit over the course of the past year and since establishing Thursdays as my painting night for 2013 I've actually been somewhat productive.
In the summer of 2010 I started a painting based on the concept of the "Billy Goats Gruff."  Here, at long last, is the completed work.

"But You'll Have to Be Dead."

I had a visit from a very dear friend this weekend.  It was unexpected, but very enjoyable.  There were many things about it that were unexpected, and the first centered on the nature of our relationship.  

Nathan was one of my students.  I recognized in him a young man uniquely gifted and called by God, capable of doing great things.  I approached him and asked if he had ever been discipled and wondered if he would be interested.  After meeting with his family we began a year of studying the Bible and praying together.  That year culminated in his graduation and a trip I took with him and his father to hike the mountains of Colorado.  

In my own life, I have a mentor that I have always admired.  Tony was my youth pastor and I interned under him for several years.  There was an unexpected moment, though, when I stopped being his pupil and started being his peer.  It was ceremonial or dramatic.  It just struck me, "Hey, I'm not a kid anymore.  I'm a youth pastor myself.  I have a son.  We're more like friends now."  

That same transition has happened with Nathan, just three short years after his graduation.  Many kids want to call me by my first name after they graduate, thinking it will somehow fluster me.  But Nathan has very easily assumed the right to call me Jay instead of Mr. Asp.  And while he may not be in exactly the same stage of life, he is bright and confident, pursuing a business he started.  It has become successful enough that he even talked about bringing me on staff as a graphic designer in the future.  Of course, we also talked about starting a website to sell my artwork (prompting him to joke that the venture would be more successful if I were dead first), taking another trip together and other dreams, but it was fun to dream together more as peers. 

Even more unexpected was the realization that I had become "someone's Tony."  With all that Tony has meant to me in my life, I'm honored that I would be among the first visits made when Nathan is home from college for the weekend.  It will be interesting to see what God has in store for this young man.  I, for one, am happy just to know him.  

"Y'all Don't Know What It's Like Being Male, Middle-class and White"

"In a haze these days
I pull up to the stoplight
I can feel that something's not right
I can feel someone's blasting me with hate and bass
sending dirty vibes my way
because my great, great, great, great granddad
made someone's great, great, great, great granddad his slave
It wasn't my idea"

I will confess this early on: having your wife leave you for a black guy can get into your head.  What compounds this situation is the fact that since her departure she has challenged me with that dreaded assault: "You are so racist."

I mention that only as background to my current state of mind.  I am involved in a quest to answer that question ("Am I really a racist?") and, further, to understand racism and notions of "white-ness" and "black-ness".  In the beginning the thoughts seemed to funnel into a series of paintings, but now I'm not so sure those paintings can or should be made.  My reading list has been comprised of "Black Like Me", "Uncle Tom's Cabin", "Who's Afraid of Post-Blackness?" and more.  My viewing hours have been consumed by "Bamboozled,"  "Ethnic Notions," "500 Years Later," "I Ain't From Africa" and others.  The loudest voices in my head come from Kara Walker, Kehinde Wiley, Spike Lee and Bill Cosby.

I'm not sure I would even bring this up right now, since the ideas are in germ stage and the research is significantly lacking (will it ever be finished or be conclusive?  I'm reminded of the line from "Good Will Hunting"--"Do you think I would have the slightest idea of what your life as an orphan is like because I read "Oliver Twist"?"), but the notion seems to be springing up around me everywhere.

Most recently, the hilarious Superbowl commercial by Volkswagen has been called racist.  As I listen to people (both informed and ignorant) discuss it, my main question is not one of race but of image.  When did we become too stupid to recognize synecdoche?  I really don't believe the VW people thought, "Let's put those Jamaicans in their place!"  That would have been racist.  I think they wanted a clear, concise, easily-grasped substitution of a part for the whole.  I imagine the creative meeting going like this:
"What's our concept?  What feeling do we want to imply that people will get from buying our product?"
"We want them to think they'll feel happy."
"How do you show 'happy'?  It's intangible."
"You could show the experience of the drive.  The twists, the turns, the exhilaration, the wind rushing through the hair."
"Overdone.  Plus, that seems more like a convertible.  What else do you have?"
"You could show a person who is really happy after having driven the car."
"How do you make him seem happy?  Who are the happiest people in the world?"
"Jamaicans!  Have you ever been there?  They live in paradise."
"That's true, they are pretty laid back.  So we get a Jamaican to act in the ad?"
"No!  You want to communicate that ANYBODY will feel as happy and relaxed as a Jamaican if they drive the car.  Let's get a white guy.  Let's make him a Minnesotan."

Should I take offense that the insinuation is that "my people" (Scandinavians/mid-westerners/Minnesotans) are generally unhappy?  How stupid would that be?  It's okay to be clever.  It's okay to expect people to connect the dots in their head and get a chuckle out of it.

It's easy to look at our world (especially as a white person) and think, "It's WAY better now than it used to be."  But there is still inequality.  And the issue of race/the accusation of racism is as ubiquitous as the sunshine on a Jamaican beach.

How Much Is Your Time Worth?

I have always been a frugal person.  Growing up we never had a lot of money.  That's not to say that I ever felt poor or deprived.  My family was so great it always felt like, "Well...we've got each other, and that's all we need."  But subconsciously I developed an inner mantra that I wasn't always fully aware was at play: "You can do it cheaper by doing it yourself."

Now that works out for me in a lot of ways.  Being artistically capable allows me to design things, paint things, decorate a certain way, etc., and doing so saves me money.  The same usually applies for home repair.  It's easy to put a new wax ring on a toilet than it is to hire a plumber.  Over the years I've built up skills that enable me to do some a great deal of cosmetic work (new tile, new sheetrock, etc.) and some more serious repairs/alterations (i.e., minor electrical and plumbing).  Having these skills usually saves me money.  It does not, however, save me time.

In my Minnesota days I had a friend named Josh, and he was the first to challenge my thinking on the matter.  The main criterion, he suggested, for determining which projects to undertake was not which way was more expensive (hire someone or do it myself) but how much time would it cost me.  He tried to get me to see that my time was worth a great deal.  Essentially, if I could make $20 an hour by painting and selling works, I would actually be LOSING money by NOT hiring someone who would "only" cost me $15/hr.  In his thinking, it's a better choice to do something I love, which I'm good at, which could bring me some income, rather than give that up to do something I will bumble through.  Better to hire someone who is an expert and free myself up to use my expertise.  It has never replaced my frugal mindset, but it has tempered it.

Never before (NEVER, I tell you) have I felt capable of fixing anything automotive.  Sure, I've changed a flat.  But in the auto realm, the "save yourself time and money by hiring someone" mentality always wins over the "do it yourself" mentality.

Until the sunroof.

Brandi has a sunroof on her Trailblazer that stopped working.  That type of repair is apparently one of the most expensive there is.  So I threw my hat in the ring.  I gave it a shot.  And I fixed it.  Sort of.  I was able to get it to close with the replacement parts I ordered.  When the part broke, it damaged more than one part of the mechanism.  Basically, it looks like I'll be replacing the rest of it over Spring or Summer break.  That's not terrible, because now I know how to do it.  But for the three or four days (spaced out over several weeks) that I worked on the sunroof, it was a chore.

Is there a silver lining in these seemingly pointless story?  Sure.  1) I kind of fixed an automotive issue.  2) Even better, it motivated me to compensate for the time spent on the repair by dragging my keister out to the studio and painting.  It's been good to return to painting.  And it's been good to ask myself again, "How much did that repair really cost me?  How much is my time worth?"

Year In Review

I have been trying for a week to post a year-end, pictorial summary of 2012, but I haven't been able to, due to some mysterious issue with the blogger website.  

But at long last, here it is!!  This is what has been going on over the course of the past year. 

At the beginning of the year the folks came to visit, which was nice.  Also, I had the privilege of coaching Aydan's 6th grade basketball team.  I figured it was my last chance before he was "stuck" in school sports so I seized the opportunity and really enjoyed it.  

Thanks to a Christmas gift from my beloved brother-in-law Jason I am now a gun owner.  Since I have a gun in the house, I want to make sure the boys don't treat it as a toy, so I have taken them to the gun range and endeavored to teach them gun safety.  

One of the highlights of the year was my trip to Amsterdam/Scotland.  I loved getting to hang out with my brother, and I loved getting to see the cosmopolitan sites of city...

...as well as the rustic sites of the Highlands.  

Certainly NOT a highlight, yet nevertheless a significant event of the past year, was the finalization of my divorce (I took this photo of myself prior to leaving for the courthouse).  

Over the past year, I have become close friends with my fellow coach Michael, and in the spring he was kind enough to invite me to be a judge at the Germanfest (held in Meunster, TX) Rib-Eating Contest.  But since we were hungry and the competition wasn't started, we took these entires from the chicken contest out of the trash and downed them.  

Although this photo was not a part of our Tour of Texas Lakes that was a major part of the summer, the boys and I enjoyed every opportunity to swim that was presented to us.  This shot was taken at the lake house that belongs to the aunt of my dear, sweet Brandi (more on her later).  

Aydan, Brennan and I made a trip to OH to visit my family and celebrate my dad's birthday.  I love this picture of my siblings and me gathered together in my parents' hotel room.  

"The Games" were a series of events, similar to an obstacle course, that occupied a weekend in the summer.  In the lead-up to the event, t-shirts were made.  This is a photo of the boys and I with Brandi's kids (family friends for the past four years).    

The Trash Bash is an annual event in Keller to beautify the city.  We took part in the effort to help clean up the streets.  The boys are pictured here with Brandi (she's the little one that Aydan is hugging), her kids, Brandi's sister Lisa and her kids.  

In addition to being a gun owner, I am now a motorcycle rider.  I'm not one of those people that calls their bike their "baby", but it is beautiful and fun and I really enjoy having it.  

 

I absolutely love my job.  In addition to getting to teach high-schoolers about art, I get to work with great people.  Here I am pictured with my friend Jen, who teaches choir.  We happened to wear red pants on the same day.  

Two great trips in one year seems like an undeserved blessing, but I am super thankful to have been able to travel to Maine this past fall.  It was absolutely beautiful.   

 Perhaps the biggest news of the past year is that I have begun dating a wonderful woman named Brandi.  Anyone who can appreciate my beard growing project (I tried to spray it white for the last day of school before Christmas break) must be someone special.  I do not have time to adequately tell about Brandi here, but there will be time for that in the future.  Suffice to say that I am happy and thankful to have her in my life.  

So there is a very brief summary of 2012.  I've committed Thursday nights during 2013 to be "painting nights" so hopefully there will be more updates of completed artwork in the coming year.  I have bright hopes for 2013 and I hope it treats you well!

Christmas in Colorado

This year we celebrated Christmas in Colorado, going to visit Heather's brother, Jason, and his family.  The whole family, in fact (her parents and other siblings), made the trip.  In many ways, it was an unusual Christmas: no fewer than five people got extremely sick, some of them staying in bed to the extent that I feel like I didn't even get to see them.  Then there was the age discrepancy.  Aydan and Brennan are significantly older than their cousins.  The closest is in first grade.  So there was a very different feel about what each of the separate families wanted to do--particularly in light of what their children COULD do--and very little cohesive activity.  

But despite all that, the trip culminated today in a much anticipated event; the big Christmas present for the boys: our return to the slopes.  Several years ago we all tried our hand at snowboarding (except Brennan--he was too young and had to ski), and after two exhausting, truly frustrating days we finally got the hang of it.  I was a little worried as I picked up my gear this morning.  1) I had injured my hamstring a couple weeks ago and was still feeling less than 100% in its use; and 2) After three years, is snowboarding just like riding a bicycle, or would I have forgotten everything?

 I'm glad to say my (albeit, rapidly aging) body remembered what to do and I had a great time teaching Brennan and making runs with Aydan.  Not to toot my own horn, but I did pretty well out there, and had a blast.

 Snow-capped mountains are always beautiful.  The scenery was enhanced late in the day by a light downfall of flakes.  Though it was cold, it was absolutely wonderful.

I tweaked my hamstring a bit, and I'm certain my back and legs will be angry with me tomorrow, but the biggest thing was trying to keep icicles out of my beard!  All in all it was a great day.  I'm excited to get to bed early tonight and eager to head out early tomorrow and get back to good ol' Texas.